Bernard of Clairvaux described four ways we can love, moving from simple self-interest to complete devotion to God. The first way is loving yourself just to survive. The second is loving God because He helps you (like asking for comfort). The third is loving God simply because He is good, without expecting anything back. The final and deepest way is loving yourself only because you belong to God. This journey is a path toward selfless spiritual union.
Can someone practice these steps if they don't love God? I believe only the first two stages are truly possible without faith. The first stage, basic survival and self-care, is something everyone does, religious or not. The second stage, seeking Gods help or following religious rules for personal benefit (like feeling safe or being part of a community) can be done without true love for God. It’s a transactional arrangement.
However, the third stage, loving God purely for His own sake, and the fourth stage are completely impossible without loving God. These advanced steps require you to sincerely put God’s will and goodness above your own self-interest. If you don't love God, you are missing the very reason and power needed to reach these selfless levels. Trying to do the third and fourth steps without faith just becomes a difficult set of rules or a kind of self-help trick; it loses the spiritual, transformative meaning Bernard intended.
My meditation on Psalm 139 (about God knowing everything about us) has clarified how I think about confession and worship. The psalm says God "searches me and knows me" (v.1) and that I can't hide from Him. This means confession isn't about telling God something He doesn't know; it’s about humbly agreeing with His perfect knowledge of my deepest self, including my hidden faults. This same truth changes worship. When I realize I am "fearfully and wonderfully made" (v.14), worship becomes less about my emotions and more about a simple, grateful thank you to the Creator who made me on purpose. Worship is the only natural response to a God whose love and knowledge are everywhere.
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