9.1 My Daily Battle: Letting Go of Control

 

My Daily Battle: Letting Go of Control

    St. Augustine said our soul is "torn between conflicting wills." That perfectly describes my inner fight when it comes to serving God. Do I take charge, or do I hand everything over?

    The practice I chose was simple: resign the fight to Christ daily. Every morning, before the day starts, I give my fear, anxiety, and need to control to God. I pray against attacks, then I give thanks for the good things, like our flourishing home church, deaf church and ministry opportunities.

    It's been intense lately. It feels like the enemy is attacking us from every side, even as we see huge blessings. This is where the internal war gets loud. Part of me wants to gear up, plan defenses, and fix things. That's the will wanting control. But the practice forces the other will, the one that wants to submit, to take over. I have to tell myself, "Don't try to solve the struggle; let Christ solve it."

    The frustration is that this choice to resign has to be made again, every single morning. It never feels totally finished. But the insight is this: Real service and true submission does not come from my best efforts to manage spiritual warfare. They come from resting in the fact that Christ already won the war. My job isn't to fight my own soul’s battle; it’s to let Him take the reins. 

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

John 16:33

Simplicity in a World of Complexity

John Calvin said we should "almost forget ourselves and in surely neglecting all selfish aspects." This idea became very clear when I thought about my exercise watching TV and ads. For one week, I saw how hard the world tries to change my mind and attitude. This showed me deep lessons about simplicity and solitude.

Ads constantly push for self-focus and wanting more. Every commercial works against simplicity. They tell me my worth comes from what I buy, that happiness is a product upgrade, and my identity is tied to what I own. My exercise proved that simplicity isn't just about not buying things. It's the deep choice to stop the craving that media builds in me. By seeing the world’s push for complexity, I realized simplicity means emptying myself, which is exactly what Calvin asks us to do.

Solitude is the necessary cure for all the media’s loud distractions. The constant talking and fake drama make it hard to pay quiet attention to God. Solitude gives me the spiritual space to forget the worldly me, the me shaped by trends and ads, and focus on my true identity in Christ. It’s the needed practice of quieting the crowd so that the Holy Spirit can speak clearly.

Living long-term with simplicity and solitude would be key to my work as a Wesleyan pastor. These practices protect me and give me strength. They protect me from getting burned out and from judging ministry success by cultural rules. They keep me grounded in God's sufficiency. Most importantly, they give me the strength to preach a real, counter-cultural Gospel. They let me live out a simple faith that shows a better way than the focus on things I saw in the media, offering a clearer path to Christ for my church.